one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
