I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
