I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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