i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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