I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
