remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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