there was a trapeze. enough said
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
