She is in my trunk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
