soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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