He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My friends, they love my intelligence
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
