is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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