And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
