Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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