I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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