fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
