Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
