Soap is not a condiment
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
