Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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