I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
