did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The beer is more important than you right now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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