You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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