Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
