So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize