if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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