Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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