i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
