she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
