we have pet lesbian snakes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
