Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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