Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
