dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
