Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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