I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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