i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
