I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
