I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
