i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
