Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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