Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just found puke in my bra..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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