He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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