peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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