i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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