What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
