I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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