I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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