there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
