The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
