is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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