she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
