its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
