I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
