dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
