So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
