omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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