dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
