dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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