Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So. Much. Porn.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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