:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
