you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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