I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
