My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Terrible idea I love it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
