i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
