I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this just has baby written all over it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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