that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
