i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
