It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
