Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How does it feel to date your dad?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
